Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
