just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
