If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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