k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
