drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
