Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
