Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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