she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
