dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
