That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
