toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
