but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
