I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's blow job season.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
