I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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