how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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