I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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