READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
