No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
