Got a toothbrush?
return my video game
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
