Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
