one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
