$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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