Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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