I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i am craving dick and cupcakes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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