there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
