Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize