my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
