I wanna bring you to show and tell
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Randomize
