the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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