I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
