Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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