I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
