yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
