I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
