Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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