Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize