uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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