But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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