I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
