I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
