it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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