May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
