my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
