i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
this is an emotional support booty call
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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