If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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