would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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