All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
