that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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