a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
