You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
