Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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