WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
