I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
