You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
