Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
