If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
