weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
