weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
