So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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