That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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