you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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