Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
