This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
