I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
