just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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