i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
