my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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