I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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