Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
