How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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