You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
