is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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