something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
