So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
