good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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