if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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