Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate all girls vehemently.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
