i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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