Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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