oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
